Bow River, kind of a jerk


Hey, thanks for taking the time to do this, I know you’ve been busy.

Yeah sure, no problem. I love your paper.

Er, thanks. So, why are you such an asshole?

Begging your pardon?

You heard me, you’ve been a bit of a prick lately.

Hey man, c’mon, I’m just going with the flow. You can’t really blame me.

I beg to differ. It seems like you’re kind of responsible for this entire mess.

Um, there’s also the Elbow.

Okay, fair point.

And I could probably point the finger at you skin bags too.

How so?

Global warming ring a bell?

Hey, we’re not allowed to talk about that. I think there was an emergency bylaw passed.

Oh for the love.

Back on topic. You’ve been a pretty good neighbour for a while, but this really is a bit much.

Well, what can I say. I’m a river. I flow. I flood. I guess I just got carried away.

Is this going to be a regular thing?

It’s probably going to happen more often, but I don’t have a calendar if that’s what you mean.

You forced the cancellation of Sled Island. I’m not sure if you noticed, but that pretty much made our entire issue useless.

Hehe. Yeah. Sorry about that.

Well, the joke’s kind of on you. There were tons of house shows and impromptu shows at bars.

Hey, I’m a music lover too. I can appreciate it.

You also destroyed quite a few homes and businesses. Did you know there’s no insurance against you?

I know! Talk about assholes. Acts of God? Come on.

Are you concerned that the provincial government will put infrastructure in place to pen you in?

Pfft! The government. They still haven’t implemented their flood plan from 2006. I’m not too worried about them getting anything done any time soon.

What about the feds? Harper was just here in his military jacket.

I saw that. I’m sure they’ll throw up some Economic Action Plan signs, but I’m not too concerned.

On a more positive note, people have really come together over this thing.

You’re welcome.

Um, that really wasn’t my point.

Well, I did bring people together. Neighbours helping neighbours, businesses giving away food and relief. It’s been pretty inspiring.

Yeah, but it’s your fault!

I know, you’re welcome.

Oh forget it.


You really are a prick.

Gotta run.

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